January 2011 | American

Monday, January 31, 2011

{alltv} Photo: Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt

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{alltv} Photo: Famke Janssen

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{alltv} Photo: Emmy Rossum

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{alltv} Which network boasts the worst two-hour block?

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) – Have you ever turned on the television and then been too lazy to change the channel and "accidentally" sat through two hours of the lamest broadcast network garbage you can imagine?

I hope not. Have some self-respect. We live in a world of remotes. Press the buttons, already.

However, one look at the winter schedule the networks are foisting on us right now opens up a world of weakness.

For example, ABC has two hours of "The Bachelor" Monday night. That's a big bowl of sad, people. Watching that just tells the world that you are no longer living the dream. On Tuesdays, the CW has an hour of "One Tree Hill" followed by an hour of "Hellcats," which roughly translates to seven hours of visual pain. Why would anyone do that to themselves?

On Wednesday, NBC's combo of "Minute to Win It" and "Chase" is like dumb chasing predictable. It's the kind of lineup that not only has no flow to it, but there's no one on earth who could write a reasonable defense of watching either back-to-back.

But my vote goes to NBC for packaging "The Cape" and "Harry's Law" together on Mondays. How could this be more heinous than what the Peacock dishes out on Wednesday, you ask? Easy. "Minute to Win It" is cheap reality programing. Any third-level executive could shepherd that witless hour onto the air and get a better office out of it. "Chase" is the kind of show you put on the air when you can't make "Justified" and you don't know any good writers.

But "The Cape" looks like something that people were excited about -- they had the ambition to make something different. And "Harry's Law" is from David E. Kelley, who talked Kathy Bates into the title role.

Translation: Unlike the other two shows, some heavy lifting, organizing and greenlighting took place for these Monday shows. And what are we left with? A guy in a cape. In a show that looks like it wants to be something other than what the guy in the cape wants. Plus, he's in a cape. No matter how many ways you draw that up on a napkin at the bar, you were drunk and you had a terrible idea. There's no fixing it now.

As for Kelley and Bates, well, have you seen "Harry's Law"? If the newbies at NBC haven't fired the people behind this show, then good luck with that overhaul. "Harry's Law" is the kind of show that someone at USA would scoff at. Obviously, the problem came well before the pilot got shot. But once it was actually filmed and screened for executives, nobody said the words they should have said. And those words are: "You're kidding me, right?"

So, that's my vote. Two hours of bad television that took actual muscle to get on the air. Those are big failures. Those are the shows that you can't sweep into the dustbin of forgotten history when they get canceled. And they will get canceled. Those are the kinds of shows where people say, "Remember the guy with the cape who wasn't a superhero?" And, "What was the show that really proved Kelley was in a rut? No not that one -- the one with Kathy Bates."

And now, two networks and I'll dub the Terrible Trifecta: On Fridays, ABC has "Supernanny," "Primetime: What Would You Do" and "20/20." Nothing says "the networks are turning Fridays into a graveyard like Saturdays" than that lineup. ABC should start a "Free Pizza Friday" promotion and feed any family willing to watch those three hours back-to-back.

Then, on Sundays starting in March, NBC (are you sensing a pattern here?) will lay "Dateline," "America's Next Great Restaurant" and "The Apprentice" end-to-end. Really? This can only be one massive joke by the outgoing execs at NBC, right?

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{alltv} 'Skins': MTV gives us the full moon with 'Chris'

It seems like MTV didn't totally back off (pun intended) in its episode focusing on Chris (played by Jesse Carere) in "Skins."

After reports that executives were asking producers for edits to a scene of Chris naked from behind, the network went forward on showing the backside nudity. We can't be sure, but the shot was a medium one from a distance. So, maybe, the close-up shots were edited out in a compromise? Again, we can't be sure.

After skewing from the original series in Episode 2 when it focused on Tea (Sofia Black D'Elia), the lesbian character who replaced the U.K.'s gay Maxxie, "Skins" returned to basically following the original for the "Chris" episode. If Tea's heavy-handed, bi-curious storyline is an indication of what the New York writers come up with when they're in charge, it was probably best that the series returned to the original's framework.

Chris is the tragic story of the group. He's the moral message that no matter what a kid does, he doesn't deserve to be abandoned by his parents. While we watched the original series, it was at this point that we were hooked. It was after Chris' episode when we knew we wouldn't be happy if we stopped watching.

In MTV's version, Chris' mother disappears leaving a wad of money in her place. Chris and the gang party it off until he realizes that his mother isn't returning. His father, apparently, isn't an option. He has pretty much disowned Chris (who we found out has a brother who died) and started a new family. He then turns to his crush at school, Tina - his love-challenged and lonely teacher! We end with her taking him in for a few days, but standing at the door with lust in her eyes! Judging by the way we still track Mary Kay Letourneau, we're sure this plot turn will ruffle some feathers.

But, honestly we can now say that we gave MTV's version a chance and that this episode wasn't bad (the Tea episode wasn't that horrible, just really contrived). The thing is we don't pride ourselves on watching series that we don't believe are great. And if it weren't for the fact that it's our job, we wouldn't feel bad leaving the series at this point.

We may be the only ones. Did Chris draw you in?

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{alltv} 'Justified': Raylan Givens knows Han shot first

You might not peg Raylan Givens as a "Star Wars" fan, but it turns out the lead character in "Justified" has a little bit of geek cred.

It's on display in the teaser for the show's second season, which premieres Feb. 9 on FX. Givens (Timothy Olyphant) and a suspect are in a bar, and Givens notes how much it reminds him of the cantina scene: "Did you know that in the original version, Han shoots first? But then they changed it, so that the bad guy pulls on Han first."

It's a great 30 seconds of promotion, capturing both Givens' tendency to shoot first, the tension that being around someone as tightly wound as he is creates and the show's sly sense of humor. Take a look:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVT0B3pPsa8

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{alltv} Love with legs

When Katie Couric started dating a younger man four years ago, some thought it might not last. But romance is still going strong between the CBS anchor and businessman Brooks Perlin. He whisked her off to Miami Beach last weekend for a romantic birthday celebration. Sources said they were spotted looking happy and sipping cocktails at the Delano's Florida Room, where Couric, who turned 54 on Jan. 7, told staff that "Brooks surprised her with a weekend trip so they could celebrate alone." The pair were also spotted relaxing on the beach.

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{alltv} Kelsey better hurry divorce

Kelsey Grammer plans to celebrate his wedding to girlfriend Kayte Walsh at The Plaza Hotel on Feb. 25 -- and the invites have been sent even though he's not yet divorced from Camille Donatacci.

Grammer and Walsh have booked The Plaza's iconic ballroom at a cost of $100,000- plus for their lavish reception. But the "Frasier" and "Cheers" star is still hammering out the details of a divorce settlement with Camille, 42, whom he dumped last summer after 13 years of marriage for British former flight attendant Kayte.

A source joked that the wedding could end up being postponed if he and Camille don't settle in time, "making the invitation, which has already gone out, a collector's item."

Another source told us, "Kelsey and Kayte have booked the Plaza ballroom for the reception. Despite the lavish surroundings, they want an intimate wedding with less than 150 guests. Kayte has laid out all the details, all the timings. The room will be decorated all in white, including a white cake. There will be a very tight guest list, and they won't allow cameras in. They're flying a lot of Kayte's family members in from England and putting them all up at The Plaza."

Kelsey knows the wedding routine well by now -- this will be his fourth. The only thing that could ruin the big day would be if he and Camille are still at war over their settlement, with sources telling us she's already turned down a $40 million offer and wants $50 million. They also have homes here and in Los Angeles, Hawaii, Colorado and the Hamptons. But a source close to Kelsey said, "He's confident they will settle in time."

Camille said on "The View" yesterday, "He did rush it [the wedding]. It's a bit impetuous, don't you think? He wants what he wants right away . . . It's almost like a child."

A rep for Grammer last night confirmed his wedding reception will be held at The Plaza following a ceremony elsewhere.

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{alltv} Lie to Me With Your Mouth Full: Tim Roth's Crime-Fighting Eating Habits

Lie to Me's third season finale Monday and the uncertainty of its future left fans hungry for more — more criminal psychology, more romantic tensions and more of Tim Roth talking with his mouth full.

In the Fox drama, the Lightman Group specializes in interpreting microexpressions and body language, and leader Cal Lightman (Roth) is an expert at manipulating his own body's language to fluster and confuse people into inadvertently revealing their true motives. Executive producers Alexander Cary and David Graziano explain that Roth deliberately created Lightman's odd food mannerisms as part of his character's work strategy.

"It really is a Tim character choice," Cary tells TVGuide.com. "You look at the type of the scene and then you look at the type of food that's going to most subvert the gravity of that scene. For example, in Episode 301 when Cal's in the bar as a prisoner of two bank robbers and he bites into a pickle. Yeah, that's Tim's choices. That's what he chooses to kind of provoke them. Lightman is a character who likes to put people off their game. Eating and talking through a mouthful of potato chips or three hot dogs is what he does to repulse people to a certain extent." Graziano adds. "He's a provocateur."

So far, Lie to Me viewers have responded to Lightman — repulsive quirks and all -- positively. The series won a People's Choice Award for Favorite TV Crime Drama, while Roth was named Favorite TV Crime Fighter. "Sometimes the fans ask for us to have him stop talking with his mouth full and some people like it," Cary says. "You know it's just one of those things we have to be a little judicious with otherwise it become a little bit cartoonish."

In fact, Roth has been pulling back on his performance, creating a sort of Lightman Lite. "You may have noticed in the second half of this season Tim, as he would say, de-quirked his performance of Lightman a little bit," Cary says. "There wasn't quite as many sort of facial tics and sort of body language tics. He played it a little straighter. He played it a little quieter which is a conscious choice of his."

Fans also may have noticed that Lightman's colleague, Dr. Gillian Foster (Kelli Williams), has her own signature eating habit, a weakness for sugary junk foods, that hasn't gotten much play recently, but is still part of the character.

"I think we did a scene to refer to that if I'm not mistaken ... but we took it out," Cary says. "We had to take it for time actually. It's something that we're aware of. Kelli Williams actually quite likes that character trait. We may use it. We may not. It doesn't really go anywhere at the moment."

Lightman's eating habits, however, are an ongoing part of the show, and Roth comes in to work ready to plan the next gastronomic gambit. "The show's about behavior and we have an actor who loves to see the character misbehave," Cary says. "That's what it is. We all like to misbehave. That's what the show is about."

And make no mistake: Roth makes food selections based on their potential to draw laughs. "He likes pickles because they make a funny noise when you bite them," Cary says. Graziano adds: "Some foods are funnier than others. Pickles are hilarious."

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