True, when it came to plotting, this was not a particularly strong year for ABC's Desperate Housewives, which wrapped up its seasonal run Sunday. But most weeks, the show was able to mask those problems behind some clever lines and the usually agreeable work of its four main female stars. Unfortunately, for its closer, the show actually had to turn its attention to its stories — and none held up under the scrutiny.
Let's put it this way. Last year, the show propelled its final hour by putting Susan and MJ's lives in danger. This year, the people at risk were Angie and Danny. You can see the "who cares" problem there, right?
So what you got was a few laughs, a little more time spent with some characters most fans still like, a death and a possible divorce. What was missing was one single moment that provided any kind of genuine jolt.
The strongest story belonged to Bree, who sold her business to a blackmailing Sam to protect her son, Andrew. Her reward was the hour's best line ("Would you please be a dear and close the door on your way out of my life?") and a divorce from Orson, who couldn't forgive her for forgiving Andrew when she didn't forgive him.
The worst story (as has often been the case this season) was handed to Lynette, who had her baby while being held hostage by the serial killer, Eddie. Somehow, that miracle of child birth convinced Eddie to give himself up, while leaving Lynette so new-mom-muddled, she was actually willing to turn her newborn over to a homicidal maniac for some pre-arrest hugs.
Still, the real point of the episode was to resolve Angie's story, and to provide her and her family with a season-ending exit. It also provided us with the hour's only real surprise: Angie killed Patrick by hiding the bomb in the detonator, causing him to blow himself up when he thought he was blowing up Danny. But again, who cares if Patrick dies or not? And who was invested enough in Angie and her family to care about them splitting up at the end (all so Danny can live a normal, non-fugitive life)?
As usual, the show spent its closing moments setting up next year's plots. We found out that at least one of the women is raising a baby that isn't hers, and we learn that Gaby and Carlos are about to find out that Andrew killed Carlos' mother. Oh, and we saw who will be renting Mike and Susan's now-vacant house: Mary Alice's husband, Paul, which was a less thrilling reveal than the writers seemed to think.
Still, at least he's someone we cared about once, and that's not a bad place to start.
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