Sharon ("Sharon!") Osbourne was the surprise guest at Ozzy Osbourne's elaborately staged news conference on Wednesday afternoon at Casa Loma's Great Hall in Toronto to promote his new album, Scream, out June 22.
And it turns out she served a useful purpose — as both interpreter and comedic wingman.
After each question was asked, a confused looking Ozzy would turn to Sharon, his wife and manager, who would then relay the question to her husband as they both sat side-by-side on throne-like chairs on an elevated stage.
"I'm deaf, you know," Ozzy said.
"He can f---ing hear everything!" countered Sharon.
Osbourne, who was introduced by a pipe organist wearing a robe, talked about touring at age 61 as part of Ozzfest this summer and fall (so far there are no Canadian dates), compared to touring 40 years ago.
"It keeps me feeling young. It keeps me out of trouble," said Ozzy, whose been at the forefront of heavy metal for the last 40 years.
Said Sharon: "The difference, really, is there's no drugs."
"And alcohol," added Ozzy. "No fun, no sex, no drugs. Just the rock 'n' roll!
"I like it much better," he said before making a gesture like Pinocchio's nose growing complete with sound effects.
"The fact of the matter is had I carried on with the way I was living, I wouldn't be here now. I'd be long dead. So I tried sobriety and I kind of like it."
"Liar!" countered Sharon.
"We've all grown a little wiser in our old age," said Osbourne later. "People ask me this question all the time, 'Did you really snort a line of ants?' I don't remember but it's very, very possible."
On the news front, the couple reported they had sold the rights to Ozzy's recently released autobiography, I Am Ozzy, for a big-screen adaptation.
"Denzel Washington is going to play me," quipped Osbourne. "Actually what I'd like to do is get an unknown actor from Birmingham, England. I don't really want to get an American. Americans don't do a very good English accent. There was talk of Johnny Depp but that was before I nearly killed myself in an (ATV) accident (in 2004)."
The longtime married couple also talked about love.
"We've had our fights and our get-back-togethers," Ozzy said. "We didn't jump off when it got rough. Life is full of surprises, you know, some good and some bad. We just get on with it. Besides, I don't know anybody else who would have me."
Also attending alongside reporters were contest winners, including one man who removed his shirt and had Osbourne sign his already heavily tattooed back.
"I'm a little nervous," said the man.
"I am too," countered Ozzy.
And when asked if he ever watched Sharon on this season of The Celebrity Apprentice, Ozzy didn't miss a beat: "No, I live with it."
On a more serious note, Sharon said she hoped Celebrity Apprentice contestant and Poison frontman Bret Michaels will win the TV reality show, which wraps up Sunday night — particularly after he survived a brain hemorrhage.
"There's an example of somebody who loves life so much, he's such a great spirit," Sharon said. "He ain't going nowhere."
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