If one thing's for certain, it's that Ali Fedotowsky did not leave her heart in San Francisco.
Clearly, she packed it for last week's trip to New York (remember her rooftop date with Chris L.?) — and she surely brought it to Leg 2 of The Bachelorette's World Tour — aka Iceland — this week.
The girl is falling head over heels over head over heels over and over and over in love with nearly all of her eligible suitors.
Well, except for two particular dudes — who you'll read all about below.
While it's great to see she's keeping her options open, she seems to be getting far too attached to guys she'll never end up marrying. I mean, Craig R. — who are we kidding, here?
She even manages to find the silver lining in the ridiculous love poems the men are asked to write in a competition to score a one-on-one date. Dressed like a Norwegian princess, furry hat and all, Ali blushes as the boys woo her with words.
Chris N.'s is a disaster, capping off with "forgot the rest of my lines." Frank has done this before — and even tosses faux-Icelandic into his witty, romantic poem. But it's Kirk who wins the date with his genuine creation, which ends with a hug.
But when it comes time for their one-on-one, Ali is leery about the fact that he's never been in a long-term relationship. A red flag? Perhaps. Though it turns out to be a minor one after an afternoon of shopping for awful Icelandic sweaters Betty White's Rose Nylund wouldn't even wear and a candlelit dinner, during which Kirk reveals he nearly died of asbestos poisoning — an experience that made him the hunky, fun-loving, caring man he is today.
Clearly, this is a major turn-on for Ali — and let's just say that if this was an overnight date, she might have offered him the key by now. Instead, he'll have to settle for a rose.
Back at the hotel, Kasey — aka The Creepy Guy Who Got Inked Last Week — is back in full-on psycho-mode. "I just want her all to myself. I don't want to share." Um, OK, moving on ...
Roberto, Chris L., Chris N., Frank, Craig and Ty are next up for a group date that involves horseback riding on a snowy mountain (cold!), rappelling into a cave (warmer!) and a dip in Iceland's steamy Blue Lagoon (hot!). Conveniently, Ali has remembered to wear a bikini under her snowsuit (I mean, who DOESN'T do that?) for the latter activity, where things really heat up between her and cowboy Ty. Though judging by her giddy stuttering, that might have something to do with the bubbly.
Whatever the case, it gets Ty the rose.
In true Bachelorette fashion, they've saved the juiciest date for last — and it's a two-on-one with Kreepy Kasey and Justin the Wrestler (and sole remaining Canadian, meaning I must refrain from making cheap Spandex jokes in support of the Torontonian).
Justin's ready to rumble (OK, that one just slipped out), and his cast is officially off. A good thing, because the date he, Kasey and Ali go on involves a helicopter ride to the lava-spewing Eyjafjallajokull volcano, which they get out to closely observe. No joke.
Despite the fact that Ali isn't in the best company, this has got to be the Most. Amazing. (And Dangerous.) Bachelorette. Date. Ever. The producers have really outdone themselves this time — and were lucky enough to have shot before the ash of said volcano caused worldwide air traffic issues.
But of course, they all have to come back down to Earth eventually — and the men quickly shift back into battle mode when the helicopter lands at an icy oasis decked out with candles, hot (and undoubtedly spiked) bevvies and ... a rose.
Time to pull out all the stops — and in Kasey's case, that's his freshly dried wrist tattoo.
"What? When?" shrieks a clearly creeped-out Ali when he rolls up his sleeve. Back away slowly, girl! And if you roll right down that mountain while doing so, consider yourself lucky.
Ali wastes no time giving the rose to Justin (match won!), and letting Kasey down as gently as possible before leaving him on the mountain. Hey, at least he'll have something to remember her by. Forever.
At the cocktail party, Frank loses that jealous streak he's been wearing for the past couple episodes and slips back into lovey-dovey mode, rekindling his flame with Ali. I think they've got something. But then again, so do Ali and Roberto. And Ali and Kirk. And Ali and Chris L. And just maybe, Ali and Ty.
OK, so let's just say Ali and ANYBODY but Chris N., who, between that painful love poem earlier and their all-too-friendly chat, is so gone tonight.
Out come the roses, and ... yes, I'm right. Poor guy doesn't even know what hit him. But something's telling me he'll have a much easier time moving on than Kasey.
Next week: Ali takes the seven remaining bachelors to Istanbul, Turkey, where a bunch of stuff happens — and she discovers one of them has a girlfriend. Ah yes, bring on the drama!
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