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Simon de Pury has become a TV star on Bravo's "Work of Art: The Next Great Artist" -- but the Swiss baron's Phillips de Pury & Company auction house trails in third place, far behind Sotheby's and Christie's. Artnet magazine critic Charlie Finch is thrilled de Pury is opening a new headquarters at 57th and Park next month, "but I sink into sadness when I read of the house's weak auction results, and consequently I rack my brain as to how to juice up the auctioneer's performance." Among Finch's proposals: "Change its name to PdeP and market a whole line of PdeP handbags and accessories plus Simon cologne, with the slogan 'Simonize yourself' . . . Use celebrity auctioneers only. Lady Gaga, Robert Pattinson, Betty White, Scott Brown, all preferably nude." There are eight more suggestions, but you get the idea.
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