{alltv} Recent humiliating casting calls

HOLLYWOOD -- As we've observed in the past, if you're a struggling actor trying to make it in Hollywood, the road to the red carpet is often paved with abject humiliation.

You not only have to convince yourself that no role is too small, but also that no audition is too demeaning.

And maybe it might have something to do with the lousy economy, but, based on this latest sampling of true life casting calls, any lingering self-respect should be left at the door.

But it wouldn't hurt to own a chicken suit, just in case.

The Production: Californication

The Perks: You get to appear in the hit David Duchovny series.

The Breakdown: Caucasian male, between 40 and 55, around 6-foot-3 and 200 pounds with a black hairy back who is willing to shave or get waxed on camera. "The waxing is an option and would be done by a professional. However, the shaving is an absolute must."

The Production: Transformers 3

The Perks: You're a part of the hit Shia LaBeouf franchise; extra $14 make-up adjustment fee.

The Breakdown: Male, 25-50, with a 30-inch waist, who wears a small shirt to play immigrant. "Must be OK playing a dead person and having all sorts of fake blood and goo all over you."

The Production: Commercial

The Perks: Haven't you always wanted to be in a period Western?

The Breakdown: Old women, 65-85, all ethnicities, "spindly, could have missing teeth."

The Production: Green Hat

The Perks: Rumoured to be the sequel to The Hangover; pay rate is $139 flat fee.

The Breakdown: Role #1: Male, 18-50, must be overweight with MAN BOOBS "to flash the camera in a Girls Gone Wild sort of way. THIS IS SHIRTLESS." Role #2: Older guy, 35-55, all ethnicities, "needed to fake barfing at a high school kids party. All night call."

The Production: Print ad for Untitled Weight Loss TV Show

The Perks: Minimum $500.

The Breakdown: Male or female, 25-45, to be face of new show. "Must be 100-300 pounds overweight, attractive, expressive. Emotional range a plus."

The Production: Korn CD cover

The Perks: $400 flat fee for all usage.

The Breakdown: Caucasian male, 30-60, to play serial killer. "You will be sitting in an old car looking at a little girl, then the little girl burns you. Make-up will be applied to make you look charred."

The Production: Emmy-winning talk show.

The Perks: Free procedure!

The Breakdown: Male, 40-55, in need of a colonoscopy. Do you maybe have a history of colon cancer in your family and are looking to be screened? Are you willing to be a good sport and have one done on TV? We want to hear from you!"

The Production: New Media

The Perks: $100 for an eight-hour call, plus $25 for costume.

The Breakdown: Male, 20-50, "with YOUR OWN COW COSTUME!"

Hey, look on the bright side -- it could have been a chicken costume.