{alltv} 'Nikita's' Coup De Grace: This isn't a fairy tale

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Here's our one sentence recap of "Nikita's" Feb. 3 episode "Coup De Grace": We want to be like Maggie Q when we grow up.

Alas, we are kind of already grown ups and never learned how to use a samurai sword so we're left to slay people with our measly words. Learn from our mistakes, people.

Anyways, let's get into the longer version of our recap which will include a lot of exclamation points at the end. Don't say we didn't warn you.

The episode opens with Alex (Lyndsy Fonseca) giving Nikita a rundown of her first mission as a Division agent while practicing said mission with her team, including leader Brendan Fehr! Well, his name was Steven, but we're just going to call him Fehr so get used to it.

The mission is this (we think, it was kind of confusing at first, no?): Division was hired to assassinate Prince Erik of Georgia in 11 minutes. It turns out that whoever hired VoldePercy to take out the Prince wants the President of Georgia to take the fall so the Division members will dress as rebels. Simple enough.

Also, there's some news story playing about Prince Erik and his wife Princess Kristina and their "royal fairy tale." We know what love looks like and it ain't that. Our suspicions are confirmed when it's stated they both come from families directly connected to the throne. Total power play, we've seen "The Princess Diaries."

Nikita casually (not really) asks if Michael (Shane West) is involved with the mission and Alex says he's too busy reconfiguring Division's defense because she tore that sh*t up. "Has he asked about me... in an operational context that is?" Oh Nikita, you're so subtle. Alex says "no," and wants to know what the deal is between "Mikita," (obviously she doesn't use that word). "Let's just focus on the mission." No painting each other's nails and gossiping about boys for these two. We're curious to know just how much Alex knows about Nikita and Michael's history.

When Alex goes to Division to get some information about the mission for Nikita, a computer analyst (Let's call him Not-Birkhoff) catches her and is all "Oh, I can send that to your smart phone." GREAT DEFENSE SYSTEM, DIVISION! You might as well make an iPhone app so everyone can access your mission schedules.

Michael and Alex talk about the mission a bit before segueing into a conversation about -- who else? -- Nikita. "She has a way of corrupting systems from the inside -- like a cancer." I think transference is the psychological term for what Michael is doing here. Clearly, he is still hurt about what happened between them and is trying his hardest to prevent it from happening again. Our Michael is a fragile little flower.

Later, Nikita and Alex look at "The CIA World Factbook" which is like Facebook for the CIA. Is this a real thing because it's like, the most convenient thing ever. We wonder if there's morse-poking? After the two make their plan to get to the Princess and warn her of the attack before it happens, Alex says, "so this is us on the outside working together." "A whole new world," Nikita responds. They are like the *ss-kicking version of Disney princesses and we love it.

Cut to the party where Nikita is wearing a a trashy silver dress -- seriously it looks like it was made out of a garbage bag, which is okay considering Maggie could probably rock that look as well. In order to get to the Princess, Nikita poses as a jeweler and says one of the necklaces at the exhibit is fake. She tells the Princess' assistant, Leila (remember the name, you hear it a lot later), that she needs to speak to the Princess right away.

The Princess believes Nikita and they head to the security room. Nikita lets her guard down and is tasered by one of the Princess' bodyguards! Turns out Kristina was the one who hired Division. She calls up VoldePercy and says "Who the hell is the b*tch?" Oh honey, you'll learn soon enough. VoldePercy is excited that Nikita has been taken out. (Shouldn't he be, we don't know, concerned that his people can never take her out and Princess Barbie was able to fool her? So inefficient!)

As Alex is coming in with Fehr & Co. (that should be a moving company's name or something) she hears that Nikita has been found on the scene and has been taken out. Ruh roh. Nikita has been dumped unceremoniously in a laundry basket and taken to what we think is the basement. Nikita obviously wakes up and takes the dude out with a towel. We repeat: A TOWEL. Have we mentioned she's our hero?

Prince Erik is about to make his speech when Nikita takes out two of his guards and tells him they need to leave just as Alex, Fehr & Co. come in shooting up the joint. Erik asks who she is and Nikita says, "Intros later... now run!" We like it when heroes do the smart thing and actually run. Fehr walks up and yells, "For the patriots of Georgia!" but there's no one there to be shot obviously. Poor Fehr.

Nikita and Erik take a quick minute to drop some exposition on us. Turns out we were right and Erik and Kristina's marriage was a political move so the people of Georgia would have something to rally around. Erik told Kristina he was going to leave their marriage after the trip and give up the throne because he's in love with her assistant Leila. "People in love don't try to kill each other," Erik argues. Nikita, with her best line of the night, responds, "You're serious?" Trying to kill each other is like foreplay for Michael and Nikita.

Random, but we love how Nikita always answers people's questions with this tone that suggests, "why are you asking me this? Put two and two together, you idiot." Naturally, we love it.

Nikita somehow taps into Leila's headset and tells her to give it to the brunette shooter, a.k.a. Alex (who is sporting an adorable braid by the way). Alex puts on an act when one of her team members comes over: "Listen b*tch, I caught you once and I can do it again." The two go back and forth and Nikita tells her to protect assistant/lover Leila. Leila is The One.

Alex goes into the security room to talk to Fehr who refuses to abort the mission. When Nikita calls to talk to Fehr and distracts him, Alex triggers the silent alarm to contact the po-po. Two Division members go to take out Nikita, so naturally, she finds a samurai sword and takes them out without even messing up her hair. Then, she wipes the blade clean. We watch in awe.

While they have the chance, Nikita runs Erik up to the roof to escape, but he can't leave without Leila. "I'm willing to give up the throne for this woman. Do you think I'm going to run and hide when she needs me the most." This is the true definition of a man ya'll, and we're just hoping it doesn't backfire on him.

Alex is all "let's retreat," Fehr is all "Screw VoldePercy, we're facing the police!" Alex thinks Fehr is stupid. So do we, but he thinks everything will be OK when they kill Nikita. Because that game plan has worked out so well the past 12 episodes. They. Never. Learn.

Kristina is with the hostages and decides to get support of the crowd by giving a motivational speech. We're bored. Nikita gives Erik a motivational speech of her own telling him his country just needs "someone to believe in them. Someone to fight for what they want."

Cut to Division where VoldePercy is watching all of this drama go down on live television when Michael walks in and finds out Nikita is there. "Of course she is." We love how no one is surprised by Nikita's presence anymore. We're excited because this is always the part where Percy sends Michael in to kill Nikita even though we know he can never do it. Why doesn't Percy just send someone else to do it? Because, just like the man he was nicknamed after, he has too much pride.

Michael and some other Division people show up disguised as SWAT and although we think it was supposed to be some kind of big reveal that Michael was one of them, as soon as the masked man spoke we knew it was him. No one else sounds that much like Batman. Not even Batman. He gets on the walkie and tells Nikita, "Walk out now." Because she would ever do that.

When Michael says he has to do what he has to do, Nikita responds, "So do I. You have to know that, right?" And clearly, she's not just talking about the situation they are currently in. It's a pretty heavy conversation to have over walkie-talkies, but they're not really a conventional couple. After the conversation ends Nikita sighs, "Some prince." This isn't a fairy tale, it's the real world and sometimes, it sucks. Simple as that.

Kristina tells Fehr and Alex that Erik will do whatever they say if they threaten Leila. They want him pick up the phone so they can locate Nikita or they will shoot Leila. We really weren't sure if they were going to shoot her so we were actually sweating some major bullets. Obviously, Fehr didn't. Phew.

When the trick doesn't work, Kristina says to kill Leila because she knows the truth, Alex thinks quick on her feet and snaps Leila's finger and tells Nikita she'll break a finger for every minute they don't pick up the phone. Well played, Alex. Now find that woman a splint.

Nikita easily takes out Fehr and his two men because she's Nikita, duh. Well, she had help from Prince Erik, too. Alex cuts Leila loose and tells her to go to the roof and be with her Prince. Hopefully she'll at least get her happy ending. Later, Kristina slaps Alex as part of the act and Alex can't resist hitting her back. It's what we love about her. Michael tells Alex he's going after Nikita and tells his troops to take the safety off their guns. He looked pretty cool while doing so.

Nikita helps the Prince and the ~~pauper~~ assistant escape off the roof. Alex and the rest of her squad are taken out in cuffs and she learns Michael is closing in on Nikita. We know how this goes by now so we're kind of not even interested. Nikita takes out Michael's guys while he's fussing around on his walkie. She strips one of them and takes his SWAT suit. So "Ocean's 11," we approve. Michael goes outside and sees Nikita take off her SWAT helmet and shake out her hair, they share a look and she disappears. He doesn't go after her.

Cut to Alex and Nikita spending a little girl time together watching TV -- Nikita with a glass of wine, Alex with a glass of milk. We love these moments of peace between our two heroines because they are so few and far between. We learn Kristina was taken into custody and that Erik is going accept his duties as Prince. "The heroes, they stay and fight." Nikita is the living embodiment of the sentiment.

Michael calls Alex to debrief and she's a little nervous, but Nikita tells her that her tracker will say she's at her apartment. We suddenly think Michael is watching a surveillance camera of Alex's apartment, but we were wrong. That would be too simple.

Michael asks what Nikita said to Alex when they talked on the headset. "What didn't she say? She said I'd pay for capturing her, that Division's a life, you know, the song remains the same." After they hang up, Nikita and Alex toast to their victory. Enjoy this moment ladies, because everything is about to change.

Cut to Michael playing security footage of Alex talking to Nikita on the headset where you can clearly read her lips saying "Where are you?" and then telling her how many agents are looking for her. Oh! My! God! He knows! We mean, he has to at this point, right?! Excuse us while we scrape the remnants of our jaws off the floor. Does this mean Michael now knows Alex is working with Nikita? What will he do? At least maybe Thom's name can be cleared? No, we're still not over it.

After an episode dedicated mostly to the mission, we weren't expecting such a huge bomb to drop right at the end... especially Michael possibly finding out about Alex-level of huge. We're pretty impressed they are having him clue in this early and we're dying to find out what happens next.

Next week.... Alex and Nathan (Thad Luckinbill) sexytimes!