{alltv} The Bachelorette: Week 6

OK, everyone; this time I really mean it when I say this was the most. Dramatic. Episode. Of The Bachelorette. Ever.

At least, for the first 20 minutes or so, when Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky discovers Toronto wrestler Justin "Rated R" Rego has (make that, had) a girlfriend.

And not just any girlfriend, but one who is brave enough to call in and tell Ali the truth herself — all the way from Canada!

Shocking, eh?

I sense danger is present when host Chris Harrison (aka The Bearer of Bad News) arrives at Ali's hotel room shortly after checking in to Istanbul — stop No. 3 on The Bachelorette's World Tour. He looks solemn, as he tends to at these devastating times, and tells her he's calling her Bachelor co-star Jessie Sulidis so she can tell Ali what's up and then pass the phone on to Jessica — aka The Other Girl. You know, since Jessie lives in Toronto then she MUST know Justin and his girlfriend. I mean, it's such a small town ... right?

While myself and the rest of the Canadian viewers aren't buying that, even the most cynical Bachelorette fan is sold on the fact that Justin must be the biggest jerk (ever!) when a bawling Jessica tells Ali everything.

"I don't even know where to start," she says via a fuzzy phone connection (what, don't they get reception up there in Canada?). "Basically, me and Justin have been dating for the past almost two years now and a couple months ago he says, 'You know what Jess, I'm going on a show but it's only for the purpose of getting my foot into the door of the entertainment industry.' "

Oh no he didn't!

"He said, 'This is something that's going to benefit the both of us. I really want to get into Top 3 because when you're in Top 3 you're well known.' "

Oh yes, he did!

Jessica goes on to tell Ali that she found out not only is Justin dating her, but he has yet ANOTHER girlfriend.

Say what?!

Suddenly, last season's Wes — the country singer who wanted to further his career more than he wanted to fall in love with Bachelorette Jillian Harris — seems like a real catch.

Though at least Justin doesn't even attempt to 'rassle himself out of this one when Ali confronts him. Rather than manning up, he grabs his murse and runs out of the hotel, climbing whatever obstacles get in his way — with a walking cast, to boot — as he attempts to escape Ali's questions. She chases. He hobbles. She gives up. He sits down and mumbles something and dashes off — never to return again.

"I'm beyond pissed," Ali steams. "I want him on the first plane back to Canada!"

Great, thanks Justin; now everyone is going to think our home and native land is full of men who go on reality TV shows "for the wrong reasons." How humiliating! Plus, thanks to the earlier events of tonight, non-Canucks have good reason to believe everyone here knows each other and that we are unable to have proper phone lines installed in our igloos.

Whatever. Let them think we they want. We know the truth.

And sadly, so does Ali. But subtract those first 20 minutes, and you have an otherwise average episode of The Bachelorette.

Ali goes on a one-on-one date with Mississippi sales rep Ty that's only made steamy by the Turkish bath they sit in before drying off for a romantic dinner by the water. Ty is a fine Southern gent, but his dopiness doesn't mesh with Ali's intelligence (which I'm actually questioning after her whole misjudge of character with Justin). He still gets a rose.

And in keeping with the night's wrestling-related theme, the guys on the group date — Chris, Kirk, Roberto and Craig — are slathered in olive oil and get jumped by Turkish tacklers, and then each other, in a match where they compete for one-on-one time with Ali.

Craig the funny lawyer finally wins his moment with her, and natch, he thinks she's The One. I think he's getting ahead of himself. And I think she thinks they'd be better off as friends — especially since the only sparks on their date are part of a fireworks display.

It's a different story when Frank gets his much-anticipated second one-on-one, where he and Ali shop 'til they drop at a market. It's all fun and games until Ali lures him into an eerie cave for dinner. On the menu? His head, apparently.

"I think my relationship with you scares me," she says.

Clearly, this is a good thing, and a make-out session, rose distribution ensue.

Come cocktail party time, Ali wants to go straight to handing out those coveted thorny things, so as not to lead anyone on longer than necessary. That "anyone" would be Craig, who has already been led on for far too long. It's hard not to feel bad for the poor guy, but hey, maybe if he stops by Canada on the way home, Justin can give him one of his girlfriends.

Next week: Ali and her Final Five head to Lisbon, Portugal, where she'll decide whose hometowns to visit on the following episode. There's more drama to come, and please don't hate me if this ends up being a spoiler, but rumour has it Frank, too, has a girlfriend back home. Geez, don't they all?