{alltv} DioGuardi's life an open book

The only thing harder than being a judge is being judged. Though Kara DioGuardi knows a helluva lot about both.

Two years next to a hypercritical Simon Cowell on American Idol were enough for songwriter/producer DioGuardi, 40, to learn how excruciating life can be under the microscope of live TV. Never mind the decades before that she spent working her way up in the music biz while coping with an eating disorder, the loss of her mother to cancer, sexual-abuse incidents ranging from being groped by an older boy at age 11 to being date-raped by a music producer in her 30s, and a string of bad relationships.

Even now that she's happily married to teacher-contractor Mike McCuddy, has put Idol in her past after being fired last year (or walking away ... perhaps we'll never know), and has seen her new reality TV show Platinum Hit hit the airwaves (its Canadian debut is June 5 on MuchMoreMusic), DioGuardi still has her struggles. Getting pregnant, for one.

But, as she says, "I don't think you can ever successfully overcome your issues unless you're honest about them."

And her tell-all book, A Helluva High Note, isn't short on bitter truths. It documents her life events -- one "high" being accidentally overdosing on pot brownies at fellow ex-Idol judge Paula Abdul's house -- in chapters titled after chart-toppers she has penned, including Kelly's Clarkson's Walk Away, Carrie Underwood's Mama's Song, Celine Dion's Taking Chances and Pink's Sober.

And DioGuardi was just as candid when she called us up a couple weeks ago to chat about her latest projects, among other things.

One thing I learned about you reading the book is that you like to swear a lot. How did you avoid that so well on live TV?

Because I was so scared out of my mind that the FCC would come after me for millions of dollars. (Laughs.) I do have a potty mouth; it was bad, and I think that people saw a very reserved version of me on American Idol. I was kind of the industry expert, which was sort of the only role I could get in there, because every other kind of role was taken. And that was what was so difficult, coming on to a show that was so loved and being positioned for, or people thinking that I was there to take Paula's job, which I wasn't. So I had a lot to come back from, on top of being afraid of the cameras and learning how to be a soundbyte person, which, as an Italian, not so much.

What made you decide to reveal so much about yourself in the book, about the abuse and your eating disorder and your mother?

I think as a songwriter you start to realize after many years that the best songs come from a place of truth, and I thought that my truth was important to show people why I wrote certain songs, why my experiences led me to write Sober with Pink. Why Mama's Song came to be when my mother was gone, it was my telling her that I was going to be OK, that I found the right guy. Walk Away by Kelly Clarkson -- why was I in a bad relationship like that? Why was I drawn to that?

Was it therapeutic for you?

Oh yeah. At the end of it when I finished I was like, 'Damn, I've been through some s---.' But I'm better for it, you know. You don't realize it, you're like, 'Oh God, I am a little warrior.' When you're going through it, you just get through it. But I feel better and stronger for it.

We learned a lot about your experience on Idol and your relationship with Simon Cowell. Where do you two stand today?

I would say that we're cool. If I saw him I'd give him a big hug. I learned so much from him, and while it wasn't easy in Season 8, I think that he taught me about television. I knew nothing about it. He kept saying (in English accent), 'Kara, don't take yourself so seriously.' I didn't quite understand until a few months into the season what he was talking about. So I have to thank him for re-orientating my brain about television.

He seems like one of those people where if he doesn't like you instantly it's really hard to change his mind. What were the hardest things about working with him?

I had a nervous habit of speaking more when I got nervous and he'd just be like, 'Kara, I'm about to say the punchline.' It was so annoying (to him), it was like having that really annoying younger cousin who came and just totally didn't fit in with the family. But in Season 9 I felt like I teed him up a lot. We agreed on mostly everything.

What do you miss most about Idol?

Just some fantastic things that I got to do because a lot of really cool organizations I didn't know about I got involved with. I loved watching the talent getting better, the arch of it. And really it's electrifying being on a live show. As scary as it is, you start to almost like performing in that sense. But at the same time, it was still scary. But I would say being a part of artist's evolution. It's very exciting. And watching them grow from week to week. And hopefully being part of the reason of why they're growing.

What do you miss least about it?

The pressure. Because it was a lot of pressure. When that thing went live, you're like, 'Oh God, please don't let me screw up.'

How do you think Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler are doing?

I haven't seen the show much, but it looks like they're having a great time and they're doing really well. I met Steven the end of Season 9. We wrote a song together (Love Lives) and I got to spend a day with him and I was so charmed by him, I just thought he was so funny and real and smart and artistic and I actually mentioned him to one particular producer as a possible replacement, and I think it maybe had a little something to do with that. I'm very happy for him, he's doing great.

After the whole Idol experience it seemed like TV was just too much, so what led you to create Platinum Hit (on which 12 aspiring songwriters competing for recording deals)?

Live TV is pretty difficult. It's a different beast than taped TV. And I wouldn't say that I wouldn't ever do live TV again. I feel like I've come through it and that I'm more used to it now and it doesn't scare me like it used to. But it wasn't only live TV, it was the intense pressure of being judged every week. And Platinum Hit was sort of my real life -- every day I'm talking to songwriters about their songs and deconstructing them and hopefully helping them fix the issues with them, so it just felt very natural. And I felt it was a great way for people to see what the world of songwriting was like, and show them an industry that most of them didn't even know existed.

What will be your role on the show?

I'm a head judge. I'm taking the role of the songwriter but I'm an executive at Warner Brothers and I own a publishing company, so I feel like I can hit on all areas with them.

At this point, you seem very satisfied in your career. What do you still want to accomplish?

I'd say that what I want to accomplish is less about accomplishing and more about staying inspired. I have to stay inspired, that's really important to me to walk into a room and still love with I do.

I guess being happily married now makes it a little harder to find songwriting material?

(Laughing) It definitely does. It was a lot easier when I had boyfriends who were bad boys. But I actually just played a song for my husband that I wrote in Nashville, and I was like, 'Honey, look I wrote you a song,' and he's like, 'Oh, OK.' He didn't quite know what to do, because he's always saying, 'How come they're always about these old boyfriends?' But this was called Ring on My Finger and it was kind of interesting to see him blush that it was about him.

But I guess there are more grown-up topics to write about. One of the funniest lines in the book, because it's so true, is about how you spent your whole life trying not to get knocked up and now that you want to you can't.

It's so true, right? It's so frustrating. You have to throw that ovulation calendar out. I thought I was going to be pregnant at 15. I had only had sex once at 15 but I was Catholic; getting pregnant was the worst thing that could happen. Even when I was sexually active I thought it was the easiest thing in the world to get pregnant, but as you get older you start to realize it's like a miracle that we have any babies in this world.

I give you props for discussing fertility issues because a lot of women, especially famous ones, wouldn't even dare.

I think it's much easier for me to act what I'm feeling because I'm a songwriter, and for so many years I couldn't do it and that's what made me sick. (And I got) involved with eating disorders and some not-so-great relationships, because I couldn't deal with my truth and I couldn't be honest. The reality is, everyone has their thing. Nothing in life is perfect. So if you can put it out there and deal with it and be honest about it I think those are the best steps in moving through it. I need to be able to talk about things. That's why songwriting for me was the best therapy I never paid for.