Ahh, June.
There's really no better month to get outdoors and enjoy the sun, as it stays up well into the evening.
There's also no better month to get hooked on some of summer's guiltiest reality TV pleasures -- see below -- as they start up new seasons. Thank gawd for the DVR, is all I can say.
The Bachelorette
Monday ABC/Citytv
Ashley is doomed from the start! How is she ever going to find a love match among this disastrous batch? There's Bentley, who's clearly got some sick contract with the producers to wreak havoc on her emotions. ("She's just not my type." Well, then, you need to go somewhere else, dude.) And then there's Super Jeff who thinks he's at a masquerade -- and yet somehow survived another week, unlike unknowns Matt, Stephen and Ryan M. Even the nice guys -- West, William, etc. -- are divorced, widowed or have daddy issues. And this week's one-on-one dates in Las Vegas were destined for disaster; who on Earth thinks it's OK to spend a first date planning, and nearly going through with, a wedding? I don't know who should run away faster: Ashley or the guys.
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The Voice
Tuesday NBC/CTV
Due to the conclusion of another, far more popular singing contest, I shifted my attention to this one -- and was instantly yearning for the sound of Ryan Seacrest's voice, Scotty's drawl and J.Lo's swoon. Instead I got to hear pitchy singers compete in "battles", Christina Aguilera go on about how much she, like, liked them, and cheesy one-liners such as "Cee Lo probably told y'all that he wanted y'all to duet -- not DO IT" (judge Blake Shelton to randy competitors Emily and Curtis). I realize I'm not giving this a fair chance, having avoided much of the screening process until now (live performances start next week). But if any show this summer is going to make me miss American Idol, this is it.
America's Got Talent (premiere)
Wednesday NBC/Citytv
Most stunning stunt ever! Contestant Frank Miles juggling tasers while standing in a bucket of water is the closest reality TV has ever come to primetime suicide -- and naturally, the judges ate it up. (Meanwhile, like many of you, I was hiding under a blanket praying it would stop.) Apart from the usual bunch of armpit farters, old men dancing in diapers and baby bonnets and female metalheads, there was some actual talent on the premiere. And, shockingly, it involved a parrot (Vegas Birds) doing animal impersonations, a comedic unicyclist/juggler who used judge Howie Mandel's bald head to balance himself, and entrancing early frontrunners Team iLuminate -- who you need to YouTube ASAP.
So You Think You Can Dance
Wednesday & Thursday Fox/CTV
Auditions were in full force this week, but aside from young firecracker Chyna Smith, let's try to block out the disaster that was Salt Lake City, OK? (Ringo Starr's daughter? Huh?). Things got better in New York, where angry krumper Brian Henry almost literally tore up the stage and Lil O turned hip-hop into a rare artform. But L.A. was where it was at: sexpot Jordan Casanova turned up the naughty, Derion (D.C.) Chapman put the "ass" in "class" with his Frank Sinatra hip-hop mashup, serial auditioner Arielle Coker proved she can gyrate her way to the Top 20 this time, and even cutesy sisters Natalia and Sasha Mallory charmed their way to Vegas -- where the competition's headed next week.
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