{alltv} Gene Simmons weeps at his father's grave on 'Family Jewels'

In an unusually emotional episode of Gene Simmons Family Jewels last night, the usually stoic KISS star broke down and wept at the grave of his estranged father.

Simmons was in his birthplace of Haifa, Israel to receive the Haifa Medal, awarded in recognition of his extraordinary success. It was his first visit home in 51 years, since he and his mother Florence - a concentration camp survivor - emigrated to America when he was nine. Simmons has often said that his father abandoned the family, and he never saw him again.

His father passed away in 2002, and Simmons' longtime girlfriend Shannon Tweed thought the time might be right for the rocker to confront elements of his complicated past, which she felt had overshadowed much of his life and contributed to his workaholic drive and fear of commitment.

"Okay, so I've been angry," Simmons admitted reluctantly to therapist Dr. Ann Wexler. "I remember being seven. My mother and father were about to split, and then it was just my mother and I. When you're abandoned and everything is black and dark . . . 'abandoned' isn't even the word. 'Emptiness,' that's it."

Tweed conspired with Simmons' mother, finding out the important sites of his childhood and mapping out a trip down memory lane that included visits to Simmons' childhood home and the restaurant where his mother once worked. The rocker appeared startled at his own emotions, saying upon receiving the Haifa Medal, "I would be nothing without my birthplace." He accepted the award under his birth name, proudly declaring, "My name is Chaim Weitz."

There were more surprises in store as Tweed arranged a family dinner for 19 that saw Simmons meet his half-brother, two half-sisters, and numerous neices and nephews for the first time. Particularly emotional was the strong family resemblance between some of the neices and nephews and Simmons' own children when they were younger. Talking to his newfound siblings, a different picture began to emerge of their father, who had married six other times after Simmons and his mother went to America.

"He wasn't a perfect father," Simmons' brother Kobi acknowledged, adding that even so, he had been an important part of their lives and the lives of their children and had always held out hope that he and Simmons might eventually reconcile.

Simmons had rejected all overtures to visit his father over the years, though he had felt honor-bound to support him financially when he fell ill toward the end of his life. "I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to know," the rocker admitted. "It was easier just to keep moving forward without looking back."

The trip culminated with an emotional visit to his father's grave, where his brothers and sisters presented Simmons with a letter his father had written to him, but never sent. In the letter his father confessed his failings, saying, "The only thing I can be proud of is my children." He added that he had proudly kept tabs on his famous son's success from afar, saying, "I am happy that you are happy."

Simmons was left alone to pay his respects, lamenting the fact that he had let the opportunity to get to know his father get away forever. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so f*cking stupid. I'm so stupid," he said. "I didn't run away from my kids, I didn't run away from the kids, I'm a good father . . . you would be proud.

"My mother is 85 years old, and she still loves you," Simmons added.

Upon reflection, the KISS star said he realized how much his anger at his father's abandonment had colored his workaholic ambition and need to be perceived as successful. "I've been arrogant about a lot of things, especially my father," he said. "I wanted to prove to myself and to everyone else and to my father that I didn't need him. So once I proved it and became successful, I wanted to stand stubbornly on my pride and not move. Unfortunately, I never saw my father again until I stood over his grave."