The latest "Bachelor" destination is Costa Rica, which the ladies are totally pumped to visit. Brad starts off by stating he has strong feelings for each of the eight women left. Hmm.
The first date card is for Chantal. Michelle is "not quite sure why Chantal's name is on the date card." Uh, 'cause she's going on the date, dummy. Are you confused about how this show works? She hopes Chantal gets attacked by monkeys. We all hope you fall in a sinkhole, so it evens out.
Solo Date
Chantal and Brad take off in a helicopter (while Michelle talks about how Chantal is arrogant, over-confident and egotistical. Michelle, meet self-awareness. Self-awareness, meet Michelle). They go zip-lining in the rain, it's fun, exciting and playful, which always makes for a fun date.
Back at the resort, Alli observes that since Chantal got a one-on-one and has already had one and there are only two on-on-ones, so both she and Britt (who have not had one-on-ones yet) won't get one this week. Yeah, that stinks. I don't think anybody should get to repeat a solo date before everybody has had one. The group date is for Jackie, Michelle, Emily, Ashley, Shawntel and Britt, so Alli gets her one-on-one.
Back on the date, Chantal and Brad are eating dinner by some beautiful green pools and a waterfall. It rains on them and they run for cover, but they get totally soaked and it's very romantic. Seriously, what is better than getting caught in the rain and then when you get inside you look so sexy.
Lo and behold, they head for Brad's place so Chantal gets to wear one of Brad's shirts (sans pants) with hair curling from being wet and he tells her she's the hottest she's ever looked. Hell yeah. They get schmoopy about feeling so good with each other and she says she's falling for him, there are some hot kisses exchanged. It's a thumbs-up date all around and naturally she gets the rose.
Group Date
It's raining and cold, so Michelle won't stop whining. She also has to dissect that Chantal came home in Brad's shirt. Ugh, I am running out of ways to express my annoyance with Michelle.
The task for the date is rappelling down a waterfall. That is awesome, how thrilling. And they have harnesses, helmets, it's completely safe too. Jackie is terrified because she's afraid of heights, while Michelle is whining (DRINK!) about how she and Brad agreed on their one-on-one date not to rappel down anything with anyone else. Ever. Really? 'Cause if so, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Shawntel goes first because she's a champion and it doesn't actually look as scary/exciting as it first appeared. Britt goes next and she hops down the cliff like a freakin' Marine, very nice. Jackie takes her turn and she's completely losing her mind, while Michelle pouts. Michelle has two looks: what she perceives as "seduction/dominatrix" and her b****face.
Michelle waits until the end and she gets to rappel with Brad, so I guess the super-sacred pact about not rappelling with anyone else is still intact. Thank God, I mean ... how was I going to sleep tonight amongst all this betrayal?
After the rappelling, they all head for some natural hot springs. Oooh, those are so neat. What a wonderful place to visit. Michelle continues to say the girls are bugging her, they aren't for Brad, second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse.
Emily's bikini is covered in ruffles. Offff course it is. She confesses to Brad that she has sabotaged relationships in the past, which gives him pause that she may end up hurting him.
Back at the mansion, there is beetle on the table and Chantal chases Alli with it. Alli promptly loses her freaking mind all over the place and screams loud enough that the people on the Group Date hear her. Um, Alli needs to get a grip. Be an adult. She freaked out like Alli was waving a severed human head at her.
Back on the date, Michelle gets her needy mess all over Brad and tells him that she doesn't think any girl is right for him but her. It makes him not hand out the rose. Boom, roasted!
Solo Date
Alli gushes that she's excited to "come back with that glow" that the other girls come back with after solo dates. Um, it's not like they come back pregnant, weirdo. She and Brad take off on some horses, followed by two ponies. Awwww.
They go spelunking, which ought to go well for the girl who screams bloody murder at the site of a beetle. But there is only one buggy moment and they end up on the "altar," which is this natural stone steps/altar carved by the running water. Very cool.
At dinner, Brad is annoyed that they are making so much small talk instead of making a connection. However, he needs to remember that this is her first solo date. She's not at the same place you are with the other women, she's only had the group dates. That's a bit unfair.
Back at home, Chantal is being her usual busybody self trying to figure out if Alli is going to come home. I like Chantal, but she is way too concerned about analyzing her and the other girls' chances. The girls are pretty much at a consensus that she's not coming back.
Back on the date, Brad tries to get more serious and in depth and she opens up about her most serious relationship, which is one where the guy was so great but she could not picture herself marrying him. Yeah, been there. And you almost want to be with them because you can just tell what a great husband/father there will be and maybe you should settle for the lack of spark because those other aspects are important. Luckily, like Alli, I did not settle for that. Hold out for the spark, ladies!
Brad then volleys what she just said to him back at her, saying he likes to hang out with her but that he doesn't see himself falling in love with her. So he can't give her the rose. WHOA! Brad is really taking this seriously. I feel like a schmuck saying that, but he is pulling no punches about getting rid of girls he isn't interested in (except Michelle, but he doesn't know what she's really like yet).
He walks Alli out and like that [poof] she is gone. Bye, bug girl. We hardly knew ye. A bouncer guy comes to get her luggage and the girls are acting shocked. I guess it's more a "Brad actually did it" shock than "Alli was so great" shock, since they just voted her like to not come back.
Sneak Attack
Michelle surprises Brad at his place that night and sucks face with him while the bomp chicka wow wow music kicks up. Because that's all she has to offer, see. Skanky action. She is also eying the rose he didn't give Alli like she wants to snatch it off the coffee table and run for her life.
She then starts in on his keeping Chantal, who is not right for him, and it would be a huge mistake if he ends up with her. Michelle's game of "I'm pissed, figure it out, make me feel better, I'm needy and I play games because I can't be a real person and all I have to offer is sex and games and drama." Ugh.
The list of who should go home is next: Britt, Jackie, Shawntel, leaving Chantal, herself, Emily and Ashley. She then says Chantal and Emily should go home next and she should win. Oh my god, send her home, Brad. Are you on drugs?! She is a manipulative lunatic.
Cocktail Party
Brad reveals that he got some grief about not giving out a rose on the Group Date, which the super-sleuth girls realize means Michelle complained about it. Emily addresses Brad's concerns about her sabotage talk, but like he was going to get rid of her. Seriously.
Brad takes Michelle aside and says that she's scaring him, then she tries to twist his words and says she knows she's supposed to be there and she can't explain it. OH. MY. GOD. Ughhhhh. Give this girl an Academy Award for the performance of crap she is putting on right now.
Chantal and Shawntel the super-sleuths are hot on the trail of Brad and Michelle's secret tryst the night before. I think I would enjoy being friends with the Chawnteals. Shawntel initiates a "silent game" with Brad during their alone time, which is just an excuse to kiss and gaze into each other's eyes. It's kinda barfy.
The Chawnteals put 2 and 2 together that Michelle had some extra time with Brad and she finally 'fesses up. They are on the same page about how shady and not classy Michelle is. I am sometimes shocked nobody has actually smacked that smirk off her face.
Chantal goes to Brad and tells him she loves him already. Wow, big time. She says she knows he can't say it back, but she just wants him to know that there was a change in her, going from caring about herself to worrying about him.
Rose Ceremony
Since Alli already went home, only one girl doesn't get a rose tonight. Is there any suspense at all that it's going to be Britt? He gives roses to Ashley, Emily, Britt (whoa!), Shawntel and Michelle. Bye bye, Jackie. Bummer.
I'm not surprised that Michelle keeps hanging around because she's really doing a number on Brad. I hope her downfall is mighty.
Next week: Blondies Britt and Emily get one-on-one dates and there's a middle-of-the-night panty raid, plus topless Michelle. Shocker.
The first date card is for Chantal. Michelle is "not quite sure why Chantal's name is on the date card." Uh, 'cause she's going on the date, dummy. Are you confused about how this show works? She hopes Chantal gets attacked by monkeys. We all hope you fall in a sinkhole, so it evens out.
Solo Date
Chantal and Brad take off in a helicopter (while Michelle talks about how Chantal is arrogant, over-confident and egotistical. Michelle, meet self-awareness. Self-awareness, meet Michelle). They go zip-lining in the rain, it's fun, exciting and playful, which always makes for a fun date.
Back at the resort, Alli observes that since Chantal got a one-on-one and has already had one and there are only two on-on-ones, so both she and Britt (who have not had one-on-ones yet) won't get one this week. Yeah, that stinks. I don't think anybody should get to repeat a solo date before everybody has had one. The group date is for Jackie, Michelle, Emily, Ashley, Shawntel and Britt, so Alli gets her one-on-one.
Back on the date, Chantal and Brad are eating dinner by some beautiful green pools and a waterfall. It rains on them and they run for cover, but they get totally soaked and it's very romantic. Seriously, what is better than getting caught in the rain and then when you get inside you look so sexy.
Lo and behold, they head for Brad's place so Chantal gets to wear one of Brad's shirts (sans pants) with hair curling from being wet and he tells her she's the hottest she's ever looked. Hell yeah. They get schmoopy about feeling so good with each other and she says she's falling for him, there are some hot kisses exchanged. It's a thumbs-up date all around and naturally she gets the rose.
Group Date
It's raining and cold, so Michelle won't stop whining. She also has to dissect that Chantal came home in Brad's shirt. Ugh, I am running out of ways to express my annoyance with Michelle.
The task for the date is rappelling down a waterfall. That is awesome, how thrilling. And they have harnesses, helmets, it's completely safe too. Jackie is terrified because she's afraid of heights, while Michelle is whining (DRINK!) about how she and Brad agreed on their one-on-one date not to rappel down anything with anyone else. Ever. Really? 'Cause if so, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Shawntel goes first because she's a champion and it doesn't actually look as scary/exciting as it first appeared. Britt goes next and she hops down the cliff like a freakin' Marine, very nice. Jackie takes her turn and she's completely losing her mind, while Michelle pouts. Michelle has two looks: what she perceives as "seduction/dominatrix" and her b****face.
Michelle waits until the end and she gets to rappel with Brad, so I guess the super-sacred pact about not rappelling with anyone else is still intact. Thank God, I mean ... how was I going to sleep tonight amongst all this betrayal?
After the rappelling, they all head for some natural hot springs. Oooh, those are so neat. What a wonderful place to visit. Michelle continues to say the girls are bugging her, they aren't for Brad, second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse.
Emily's bikini is covered in ruffles. Offff course it is. She confesses to Brad that she has sabotaged relationships in the past, which gives him pause that she may end up hurting him.
Back at the mansion, there is beetle on the table and Chantal chases Alli with it. Alli promptly loses her freaking mind all over the place and screams loud enough that the people on the Group Date hear her. Um, Alli needs to get a grip. Be an adult. She freaked out like Alli was waving a severed human head at her.
Back on the date, Michelle gets her needy mess all over Brad and tells him that she doesn't think any girl is right for him but her. It makes him not hand out the rose. Boom, roasted!
Solo Date
Alli gushes that she's excited to "come back with that glow" that the other girls come back with after solo dates. Um, it's not like they come back pregnant, weirdo. She and Brad take off on some horses, followed by two ponies. Awwww.
They go spelunking, which ought to go well for the girl who screams bloody murder at the site of a beetle. But there is only one buggy moment and they end up on the "altar," which is this natural stone steps/altar carved by the running water. Very cool.
At dinner, Brad is annoyed that they are making so much small talk instead of making a connection. However, he needs to remember that this is her first solo date. She's not at the same place you are with the other women, she's only had the group dates. That's a bit unfair.
Back at home, Chantal is being her usual busybody self trying to figure out if Alli is going to come home. I like Chantal, but she is way too concerned about analyzing her and the other girls' chances. The girls are pretty much at a consensus that she's not coming back.
Back on the date, Brad tries to get more serious and in depth and she opens up about her most serious relationship, which is one where the guy was so great but she could not picture herself marrying him. Yeah, been there. And you almost want to be with them because you can just tell what a great husband/father there will be and maybe you should settle for the lack of spark because those other aspects are important. Luckily, like Alli, I did not settle for that. Hold out for the spark, ladies!
Brad then volleys what she just said to him back at her, saying he likes to hang out with her but that he doesn't see himself falling in love with her. So he can't give her the rose. WHOA! Brad is really taking this seriously. I feel like a schmuck saying that, but he is pulling no punches about getting rid of girls he isn't interested in (except Michelle, but he doesn't know what she's really like yet).
He walks Alli out and like that [poof] she is gone. Bye, bug girl. We hardly knew ye. A bouncer guy comes to get her luggage and the girls are acting shocked. I guess it's more a "Brad actually did it" shock than "Alli was so great" shock, since they just voted her like to not come back.
Sneak Attack
Michelle surprises Brad at his place that night and sucks face with him while the bomp chicka wow wow music kicks up. Because that's all she has to offer, see. Skanky action. She is also eying the rose he didn't give Alli like she wants to snatch it off the coffee table and run for her life.
She then starts in on his keeping Chantal, who is not right for him, and it would be a huge mistake if he ends up with her. Michelle's game of "I'm pissed, figure it out, make me feel better, I'm needy and I play games because I can't be a real person and all I have to offer is sex and games and drama." Ugh.
The list of who should go home is next: Britt, Jackie, Shawntel, leaving Chantal, herself, Emily and Ashley. She then says Chantal and Emily should go home next and she should win. Oh my god, send her home, Brad. Are you on drugs?! She is a manipulative lunatic.
Cocktail Party
Brad reveals that he got some grief about not giving out a rose on the Group Date, which the super-sleuth girls realize means Michelle complained about it. Emily addresses Brad's concerns about her sabotage talk, but like he was going to get rid of her. Seriously.
Brad takes Michelle aside and says that she's scaring him, then she tries to twist his words and says she knows she's supposed to be there and she can't explain it. OH. MY. GOD. Ughhhhh. Give this girl an Academy Award for the performance of crap she is putting on right now.
Chantal and Shawntel the super-sleuths are hot on the trail of Brad and Michelle's secret tryst the night before. I think I would enjoy being friends with the Chawnteals. Shawntel initiates a "silent game" with Brad during their alone time, which is just an excuse to kiss and gaze into each other's eyes. It's kinda barfy.
The Chawnteals put 2 and 2 together that Michelle had some extra time with Brad and she finally 'fesses up. They are on the same page about how shady and not classy Michelle is. I am sometimes shocked nobody has actually smacked that smirk off her face.
Chantal goes to Brad and tells him she loves him already. Wow, big time. She says she knows he can't say it back, but she just wants him to know that there was a change in her, going from caring about herself to worrying about him.
Rose Ceremony
Since Alli already went home, only one girl doesn't get a rose tonight. Is there any suspense at all that it's going to be Britt? He gives roses to Ashley, Emily, Britt (whoa!), Shawntel and Michelle. Bye bye, Jackie. Bummer.
I'm not surprised that Michelle keeps hanging around because she's really doing a number on Brad. I hope her downfall is mighty.
Next week: Blondies Britt and Emily get one-on-one dates and there's a middle-of-the-night panty raid, plus topless Michelle. Shocker.
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